man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum