we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?