THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.