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I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
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