Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We have started to decorate penises.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Follow @tfln