Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Portland, OR

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  His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.

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  It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...

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  (503): His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is. (1-503): It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin... http://tfl.nu/o5cf
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  Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.

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  (503): Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home. http://tfl.nu/577r
  Replies (2) Good night (320) Bad night (629)
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  I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose

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  (503): I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose http://tfl.nu/4w95
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  Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.

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  (503): Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush. http://tfl.nu/eadi
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  And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.

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  (503): And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company. http://tfl.nu/g17w
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  I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.

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  My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.

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  (503): I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop. (1-503): My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins. http://tfl.nu/dck1
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  Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.

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  (503): Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement. http://tfl.nu/wyat
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  The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"

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  (503): The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone" http://tfl.nu/b2m1
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  Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on

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  (503): Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on http://tfl.nu/atvv
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