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i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
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