It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.