Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?