I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars