Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.