I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.