She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home