Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?