What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.