I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Yup. One sock.