i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY