I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?