Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂