Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.