Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him