I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.