You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom