Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.