I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's not a walk of shame if you run