There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.