Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom