If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.