That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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