Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.