Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.