I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".