like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.