Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i am craving dick and cupcakes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.