do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.