Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait