probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.