She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
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I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.