I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Couch. On fire.
as a side note pls kill me