Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
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I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....