he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
God I need to hump something, right now.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?