How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn