I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...