How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...