I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?