my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?