I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.