I’m really regretting these suede pants.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs