To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...