I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.