I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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My bed smells like the plague
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.