Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you