Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?