The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.