You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I supernannyed him into submission
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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