I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.