Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day