Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.