You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?