We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.