I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
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Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
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Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.