you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.