I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.