I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???