I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude