This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...