So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences