I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?