Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?