tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision