I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
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I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.