My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
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Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels