So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...