Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...