Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.