I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.