Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.