I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.