It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
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Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.