Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.