how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
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I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window