Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.