Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?