Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.