I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.