So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just blew my weed a kiss
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
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There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.