I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.