YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
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He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
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Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...