new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.