My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor