I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?