I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.