That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.