I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh