im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL