That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
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Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?