If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.