Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it