There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.