Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
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If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
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He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.