I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
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This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
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All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts