that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.