guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.