If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.