I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife