Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
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You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.