He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.