Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it