I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again