I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations