We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?