I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Of course I have a pirate flag
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you