You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.