remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.