i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.