This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.