In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.