Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?