There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
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Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
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I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.