In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I love black thongs
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA