All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers