All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.