It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
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I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I love black thongs