The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think about you every night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.