You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I AM VODKA MAN
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me