So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Another day, another engagement, another cat