Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
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He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?