Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
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Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
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I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.