I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried