Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.