Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.