After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
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I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...