He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.