Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of All Time

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"

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  (330): WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader" http://tfl.nu/kbtf
  Replies (0) Good night (438) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"

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  (310): I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine" http://tfl.nu/hod3
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.

  (1-651): View more from Minnesota

  It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.

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  (612): He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket. (1-651): It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm. http://tfl.nu/ei3h
  Replies (8) Good night (2183) Bad night (242)
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  (714): View more from California

  There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.

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  (714): There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody. http://tfl.nu/evby
  Replies (5) Good night (600) Bad night (242) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador

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  (907): Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador http://tfl.nu/015q
  Replies (4) Good night (1037) Bad night (242) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with

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  (518): You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with http://tfl.nu/vbdb
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.

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  (612): Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON. http://tfl.nu/8yy5
  Replies (6) Good night (824) Bad night (242) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.

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  (770): I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely. http://tfl.nu/2b5h
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"

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  (413): weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories" http://tfl.nu/0nvt
  Replies (6) Good night (1065) Bad night (242) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.

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  (937): They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed. http://tfl.nu/xvv6
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.

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  (970): She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic. http://tfl.nu/fis2
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.

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  (517): Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair. http://tfl.nu/ga23
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.

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  (303): You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out. http://tfl.nu/5jzq
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like

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  (609): Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like http://tfl.nu/h698
  Replies (0) Good night (734) Bad night (242) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house

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  (+61): We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house http://tfl.nu/x0d1
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