I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up