I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.