I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win