Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.