God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
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Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!