I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
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shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
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Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.