I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?