dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?