So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
whats a polygalesbian?