rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.