I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.