This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.