At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
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I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War